when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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