The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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