I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
