The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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