so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
