I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
