Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
