she woke up with a sticky ear
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
