just tell him i said nine months
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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