I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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