I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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