If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
