When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
