You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
