dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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