I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
