Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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