I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
