grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just threw up on my dentist
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
