I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
