Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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