I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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