It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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