I think my fart just growled at me.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
