I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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