Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
