youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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