At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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