the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
