I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He did a backflip because drugs
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
