I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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