Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
