my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
