So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
