I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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