Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
