Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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