They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
