I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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