fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i out mim tonsoeep
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