this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize