Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
