it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
