I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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