maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
