I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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