One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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