Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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