i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
