Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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