my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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