Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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