Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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