idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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