I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
