Her vagina should come with caution tape.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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