Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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