the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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