I just saw a hot homeless man
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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