I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
