yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Vodka?
Forever.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
