Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
