YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
