I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
