So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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