When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
