I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
